Dumb, Dumber, or Just Stupid? The World’s Top 5 Dumbest Burglars

Whoever said that you had to be a criminal genius to be a burglar? If you’re looking for a chuckle, check out the list compiled of the world’s dumbest burglars provided by SimpliSafe Home Security.

Window Blinds Like Kryptonite for This Kooky Crook

Albuquerque Police captured Thomas Molina attempting to break into Central New Mexico Community College. Police received a call about an intruder trying to break into the college. When they arrived, police reported that Molina tried to escape but got stuck in the window blinds. When asked what he was looking for, his reply was “computer hardware.” How does one get stuck in window blinds and not be able to escape from it? Maybe he should have been looking for “The Complete Idiot's Guide to Bungling a Burglary.”

This Robber Dials 9-1-1 on Himself!

This must be the dumbest burglar I have ever read about. Timothy Chapek broke into a home in Portland, Oregon and started to make himself at home. The only problem is, it’s wasn’t his home! When he noticed the homeowner arriving, he fled to the bathroom and dialed 911! Here is a brief of the 911 transcript: Burglar: “I just broke into a house, and the owners came home!” 911 operator: “Wait, you broke into a house?” Burglar: “Yeah.” (You can hear the disbelief in the 911 operator’s voice). Luckily for Chapek, he was only charged with trespassing. He should have been charged with stupidity, if only we were so lucky to have a law like that in place.

Burglar Steals, Gets Drunk, Gets Busted...

What do you do after you have successfully stolen a load of money and jewelry? This burglar plundered a bottle of expensive champagne to celebrate! The only problem is that he took one too many sips of the sweet nectar. The 37-year old parked his car on the side of the road to try to sleep it off; the only problem was the police knocking on his car door was his alarm clock. “The officers couldn’t believe their luck when they found out who he was. He even had the stolen goods from his latest robbery with him in the car.” Can you imagine him telling this story to his fellow inmates in jail?

This Dum-Dum Left His Doggy Behind

Now I’ve heard of burglars working in teams but this is unreal! Raymond Rhodes, a 19-year-old alleged serial burglar ransacked a home with his trusty dog companion. Before entering the home, Rhodes tied up his dog outside of the home. After he was done burglarizing the home, he forgot to untie the dog, leaving the innocent silent partner behind! “An officer had seen Rhodes earlier in the day walking with the dog," Centralia Police Officer John Panco tells Seattle Weekly today. When an officer showed up at the residence, the victim said 'Yeah, he left his dog.” Turned out it was the same dog the officer had seen earlier. So when they showed up at the owner's house, they found Rhodes and stolen property from at least three different burglaries."

R.I.P. = Rest in Prison

A burglar who broke into a funeral home in Madrid, Spain tried playing dead when police arrived on the scene. What gave him away? The fact that he was breathing for one, and also the fact that street bums dress better than this dummy. The suspect was found lying in a glassed-in chamber used for viewings during wakes. "The custom here is for dead people to be dressed in suits, in nice clothes that look presentable. This guy was in everyday clothes that were wrinkled and dirty," the police official said. "He was trying to fake being dead, but he was breathing," the officer said. Maybe he was just practicing for the big day?